Spinning Yarns

Have you ever wanted to join the elite? The special and empowered ranks of those who wield their privileged influence with smug and self-satisfied glee over everyone around them? Have you ever wanted to bask in the power that comes with belonging to a highly-selective club, and taste the glory of freedoms most people only dream of?

Well, if you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then your time has come! That’s right — on November 5th, for one day only, each and every one of you (at least, those living in the United States) will have the opportunity to become one of the most powerful and influential people on the planet. And what’s more, it won’t cost you a nickel to join this noble elite — unless you happen to drive an SUV and live more than a mile from town.

In fact, all you have to do to join up right away is to show up at your local polling place, and cast your votes on the crisp, clean ballot that they’ll provide for your use. That’s all! So, not only is it free of charge to get on board with this fabulous clique, but it’s also quick and easy, too! Whatever you do, don’t miss out on this spectacular chance to take the reins of the most powerful nation on Earth.

Now, I can hear some of you out there saying, “But Michael, now that you’ve told everyone about it, surely they’re all going to show up and join, and there won’t be any power left for the rest of us!” And I can certainly understand your concern. But do not worry, good friends — fewer than a third of those who are currently eligible to vote in this country are expected to actually do so, which means you, yes you, can expect to wield the power of life, death, and taxation over fully two thirds of the American populace, and there isn’t a damned thing they can do about it, because they don’t vote! Just think how satisfying that will be.

This year, so much hangs in the balance, it’s a once in a lifetime chance. You can take control of the Legislature! Hold sway over both foreign and domestic policy! And, if you’re lucky enough to be one of our well-favoured New Hampshire clients, you’ll also have a chance to convene a Constitutional Convention! Forget Halley’s Comet, friends; this chance may not return for generations to come.

So get on out there on November 5th, and you can decide not only your own fate, but the fate of at least two other American citizens. Don’t let the power elite control your destiny! Take charge of your world, and make your voice heard.

Otherwise, I’ll vote myself King, and take away your new Mercedes. Wouldn’t that suck?

Filed by Michael at 13:11 under Diatribe, Political
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